More More More..

So wow.. More change in my life. Just when things were starting to slow down the company I was working for folded. Not before screwing most of the employee’s out of several weeks worth of pay myself included! So I decided to start my own practice. This is something I have wanted to do since I became a counselor and has been my long-term goal. I did not realize it would end up happening so quickly. I rented a really cute space and hung my shingle out the week of Thanksgiving. I’ve taken a leap of faith and feel pretty positive. I have to say the first two weeks my phone was ringing and I saw about 15 clients both weeks. This is my third week and it’s been pretty slow. But lots of good things on the horizon. I have a meeting tomorrow with someone high up in Dallas County that is signing me up to be a preferred vendor for Dallas County which I’m hoping will be huge. I’m being told December is not the best month to start a practice but I’m hopeful things will pick up. I’m still waiting for unemployment to start apparently they do not pay you for months in hopes that you will find a job because you have no food or electricity.. Fortunately, I’m not to that point yet but getting close. Lots of stress around money or lack thereof and stress around what if this doesn’t work out. I have a lot of support in my life emotionally which is helping me get through this period. That and my little friend Wellbutrine. Scary stuff but through it all I remain pretty calm and positive that God is in this and because of that it’s going to work out. I’m thankful for a boyfriend that supports me and encouraged me to do this, a family that has been very positive and encouraging and God for keeping my mind at bay (most of the time). I’ve really been battling some depression.. Partly because my doctor would not refill my anti-depressant because I haven’t been in to see her in so long and partly just because of the tremendous amount of change in my life the last year. Truthfully it’s all been good change but as we all know with change comes discomfort and stress which for me sometimes includes some depression. I’m aware of it and working hard to take action to manage it but once again I’m reminded of just how powerful emotions are and how much I don’t have control over this aspect of my life. I’m not good at taking care of myself I think that’s why I chose this profession. I prefer to help and take care of others. When it comes to me or someone offering me help it’s uncomfortable to me. It’s ironic because I want so badly to be supportive and for people to offer help but then when they do it feels so foreign and uncomfortable. I think that comes back to my low self-esteem and self-worth. At least that’s what I’ve learned in therapy. This is a difficult time for me with all the change and “new” in my life. It’s not bad change or bad “new” it’s just different. So this is my attempt to process my feelings, give everyone a quick update and reflect on all that is my life. I’ve stopped looking at the job thing as a bad thing but an opportunity. That came to me a while back and I finally verbalized it just now. This is truly the start of something new and exciting and I have to remain focused on the big picture and trust and have faith that God has opened these doors and is going to provide. He always has and sometimes I forget that in the midst of all my stress but it’s true he has always taken care of me. I almost opened my own practice about two years ago and if I had done it then I know I would not have been successful but it’s so clear to me that the last year and a half with All American Research has put me in a position with the County to potentially make this work. I ran into a stranger at a birthday party a while back that told me he was in private practice and started his practice doing substance abuse evaluations which I have been doing for years and never thought to include before that conversation. It’s so clear as I type that this is what I’m supposed to do! I’m on the right track and I just have to continue to trust.

Writing is powerful! Much love my friends! ~J