I LOVE YOU.. These three words have my life in them.

I’m up and I’m thinking. Thinking about a recent conversation thinking about life thinking about what is to come. For me 2009 has been a year full of change some bad some good and some great. I’ve experienced ups and downs with friends family personal employment and I’m sure some others I’m leaving out. I find myself hopeful but also scared. I tend to always be looking into the future and planning ahead and working towards setting myself up to be successful to not be disappointed plotting, planning and generally driving myself crazy as well as a few select friends and family members. One thing I’ve learned this year is I want to put myself out there and what I mean by that is just because I’ve been hurt I can’t stop loving I can’t stop trusting and I can’t stop being me. It scares me to think about what that looks like. What I know is I deserve to be loved unconditionally, deserve someone to be proud of me, proud to have me, proud to love me, proud to hold me, proud to be with me. I sometime think I have high expectations and most of my friends might agree with that statement. I think when it comes to love and relationships we must have high expectations. This might be a thinking error on my part but today it’s how I choose to believe. I believe love makes us crazy it makes us do crazy things. I recently added a friend to my facebook account and when I was reading through his page I came across his favorite quotations which was “There will be a time when you meet someone that will make you realize why it never worked with anyone else” This hit home for me. I feel that I have experienced this recently in my life. He went on to say “I'm the guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning, and every single night to tell you sweet dreams. I'm the guy who will hold you when you're crying and wipe away your tears. I'm the guy who still thinks you're beautiful with your most torn up jeans and a plain tee-shirt. I'm the guy who won't pressure you to do things that you don't want to do. I'm the guy who kisses you on the forehead; it doesn't always have to be on the mouth. I'm the guy who doesn't kiss and tell. I'm the guy who actually listens to you when you talk. I'm the guy who's excited all day because I'm looking forward to our date that night. I'm the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more. I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room. I'm the guy who's perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling. I'm the guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been, or who he's been with. I'm the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name. I'm the guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you. I'm the guy who doesnt mess with other guys when I have you; you're the only one that I need. I'm the guy who doesn't care about your imperfections, and loves you more for them; who wants a perfect guy? that's just boring. I'm the guy who will hold you while we watch the sun set. I'M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD.” When I read this it was like reading my thoughts written out on someone elses page. This is how I feel. Don’t know if any of you have experienced reading something profound that strikes you through and through but I have and this was one of those things. To me this summarizes love. It summarizes what I strive for and what I want in my life. I’m complicated in so many ways but simple in so many others. My words are complicated the way I communicate is complicated and sometimes I’m quick to make judgements and other times can be the most patient and understanding person ever. In love I find I’m complicated and simple sometimes in the same 60 second period. I’ve learned that to love me is easy but to be with me is a challenge and I recognize that I’m difficult and stubborn and wonderful and crazy but when I love someone you know it and feel it and it’s incredible. All I want is that in return. I’ve written this before and I’m writing it again my sister said something profound to me a while back and that is that I love the way I want to be loved. That statement could not be more perfect in my case. Love is complicated, happy, sad, easy, hard, up and down but it’s worth it. I feel I have found the person that I’m meant to be with and why it hasn’t worked with anyone else. Is it easy? Not at all. Is it worth it? Absolutely. The title is I love you - those three words have my life in them. When I put those three words out I mean it and back it up 100% and all I want is the same. It’s risky letting go and loving unconditionally and putting yourself, myself out there emotionally but I feel like anything less is just a waste of time and energy. Love makes people crazy I can’t explain it or justify it or rationalize it. It is what it is. But my opinion is it’s worth it. To find someone in this world that makes you feel all these wonderful and uncomfortable feelings is truly a gift and one that should be cherished and protected always.