Disappointed

I’m disappointed that I texted you. I knew I wouldn’t get a response but I justify by thinking it’s just me expressing my feelings and that’s healthy. This is the fourth text in 4 weeks with zero response. Why would this time be any different. It’s not healthy. Nothing about this has been healthy. I’m in DC a city I experienced with you for the first time this time last year and I can’t help but remember all incredible memories we made here. I looked at the photo’s which was a bad idea and was reminded of the laughs and the fun we had. I’m sad that we aren’t together. I’m sad that you won’t talk to me or acknowledge me. I don’t understand. People don’t understand why I can’t let go but how do you let go of someone you have loved for so long and still love. I don’t know that I’ll ever understand how we got to this point and why we can’t work this out. I’m sad tonight. I’m in this incredible town doing incredible work and all I can think about is when we stood on that corner and took that goofy picture and when we rode the metro and took that picture and all the goofy pictures we took in the museums. I’m so sad and I miss you so much... I’m disappointed in myself that I can’t get angry and stay angry long enough to move on but I just keep going back to sadness and want... Want to see you again, hold you and love on you. I have people telling me I deserve better... Maybe I do but I want you. My heart wants you. You clearly don’t want me any longer and that makes me so sad. I have so many questions that I don’t think I’ll ever get the answer to but would it matter? I don’t know. All I know is my heart is broken and I think about you daily and miss you daily. I can’t imagine ever just shutting someone out of my life like you have me and I know its how you deal but I hoped that you would never do it to me... Guess that was silly on my part. I thought I was different and what we had was different but again I was wrong. It was an incredible time and I miss you horribly and feel like I have a part of me missing these days. I miss you and love you and will always! I’m disappointed in you and myself for the way we handled things and sad most of all.