Spiritual Funk

I think I'm in a Spiritual Funk. What does that mean? I talked earlier about feeling out of balance and I think I'm really missing the Spiritualality I used to have and felt so strong. God is so awesome though because he never leaves us.. We leave him. I don't feel like I've left God but I have absolutly put him on the back burner which is not cool. I want to rediscover my Spirituality and operate in it like I used to. I was very happy and felt more balanced back then but honestly I have to re-evaluate what my Spirituality looks like again. God is good and I'm putting him back on my list. I talk with my clients often about Spirituality and how important it is and it's so exciting to see them get excited about it. So many of my clients like myself have gone through "Religious Abuse" (Sub-Clinical) I like to call it meaning they grew up in homes where they were forced to go to Church and forced to believe what was being taught to them and told they were going to Hell if they sinned. It's such a sensitive subject to most and people get so turned off and shut down and one thing God has shown me over the years is that I have lived this and can help others. This is not to toot my own horn but people can see it in me at times and tell me they see it.. But I'm sad to say I've gotten really good at turning it off when I don't want to deal with it. Is it possible to turn off God?? I don't think so.. I think part of my addiction is my ability to manipulate. I can't manipulate God but I've gotten great at manipulating my thoughts. I had a really incredible therapist tell me once to write a positive affirmation in my bathroom mirror and see myself surrounded by it daily. The affirmation was "I am a powerful man of God" I thought it was really silly but I did it anyways and it was really powerful. It amazes me as I type how much I pull from my own experiences and share with my clients without even realizing it sometimes. I need to practice these things to get back on track. My friend Carolyn who I admire so very much is always encouraging me to operate in my gifts. She has operated in her's as long as I've known her and Oh My God I can't believe how incredible her life has become as a result. I don't want to operate in them thinking i'm going to get something out of it but the truth is I will and do. It all boils down to I've gotten lazy in the Spirit! If you are still reading this you are probably laughing at me but I get a mental picture of sitting on the sofa watching some goofy movie and eating Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie!
I think another huge part is when my friend Casie took her almost two years ago I got so angry and confused because she called.. I didn't answer my phone... She died. I think that was a turning point for me and I haven't recovered. I need help.. Clinical, Chemical.. I'm not sure..

Just another Manic Monday

Today has been different. Some of you know I gave my notice at The Right Step last Monday this Friday the 20th would be my last day and I went back in to work on Friday 13th just for my boss to tell me they were going to go ahead and let me go early which is no big deal. I was half way expecting it.

This appears to be a new chapter in my life. I got offered a fantastic oppotrunity at AAR where I've been contracting for a few months and get to work with my good friend Paula which I'm really looking forward to and I know I can learn so much from her. I wish I could steal half her energy!

So I gave myself permission to take this week off which was stressful because I won't get paid for it but I can make it.
My emotions have been all over the place the last few days for lots of reasons. I'm finding I'm eating more over the last few days which is not a good sign. I tend to eat when things are uncomfortable emotionally for me. I truly am excited about this new chapter but change is difficult for me. I find myself reflecting on all aspects of my life not just work. I find myself getting emotional for no reason and mind racing off out of control while I try to grab the wheel and focus.. Is any of this making sense?? Probably not. I think I'm probably out of balance and the question is how do I get level.

I'm all over the place! I'm struggling.. Pray for me.

Stress in Advance...

So tomorrow is Monday. I find myself thinking about the upcoming week and feeling tired already. I often tell my clients that worry is having your stress in advance.. As a matter of fact I find myself suggesting to my clients a number of things that I should practice in my own life. Most of the things I share I've learned in my life so am pracitcing but like most things we fall back or I'll say I fall back into old behaviors at times and find myself stressing about things I have no control over. I find myself reminding myself to slow down, take it all in, breathe and remember to not stress about things I have no control over.

This week I'm going to practice not having my stress in advance, say some prayer and practice something I learned a long time ago.. Saying to God "Bless it or Block It!" and then try to stay out of it!

My First Entry

Soooo ... Bloging is the new black.. I've been reading others and thought hey.. I can write a bunch of crap about me that people will want to read.. So here goes..



Welcome to my blog. I'm interested in what you have to say?!? or Am I? Not really. This is my blog so it's all about me me me me me..



The history of Sub-Clinical. As a therapist we generally staff our clients which means we sit around a big table with info on our clients assigned to us and talk about how they are progressing in the treatment and also how they are not. We have developed a few terms during these sessions that we have labeled Sub-Clinical because if we wrote them down we would probably get in big trouble and be considered very unprofessional. A few of our sub-clinical terms include things like "such and such has a case of the crazies!", or "she's all kinds of F'd up because her mom sat her on the toilet backwards as a child" There are many many more but that's just to give you an example or two. I've decided that this was an appropriate title for this blog since I imagine that I will have a number of inappropriate and tacky things to say at times.. So tune in often for more about the craziness that is being therapist!



Oh and you bitches better not give me grief about my spelling or gramar! Keep it to yourselves!